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Marriage Relationships

December 13, 2011 by Oren Pardes

Many people enter relationships seeking what they can get out of them, rather than what they can add to them. Instead of SEEKING the “right” person, consider BEING the “right” person.

The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see “show up”, not what part of another you can capture and hold. Rather than seeking someone to complete you, consider relationships as opportunities for your and your partner to each share completeness.

In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.
– Erich Fromm

It doesn’t matter what anyone else is being, doing, having, thinking, saying, expecting, wanting, demanding, or planning. It only matters what you are being and doing in relationship to that.

The best reason for any kind of relationship is that all involved are somehow better together. If not better together, then by definition, they are better alone and apart. Ideally, a relationship is not just trading needs to be fulfilled, but creating synergy – and sharing something that neither could without the other. Some aspects of life are only accessible or expressed in relationships.

Nobody knows what anyone’s marriage is like except the two of them – and sometimes one of them doesn’t know. – Ann Landers

Marriage is a (life) partnership relationship. Marriage is also a legal (and often economic) union – not for the purpose of collective bargaining, but more like yoga; it helps to be flexible and the greatest benefits come from the joining of bodies, minds, and intentions. Sharing a bed is not as important as sharing dreams, basic values, a common story, and mutual financial responsibility.

Marriage is not romance. It’s a contract with the state. It’s an investment in your future. I’m not making it about money, it just is. – Chloe Daniels

Origamy may not be a Japanese paper marriage – but most marriages require filing paperwork.
Marriage is not a game – yet except when ending in divorce, words pertaining to marriage often end in gamy or gamous. Perhaps instead of asking if people are married or single, we should ask if they are gamous or agamous.

Monogamy is but only one form of marriage. Gamy should not be confused with gamey – meaning smelly, plucky, or sexually suggestive. Nor should mono bring to mind a single, gamey monkey, “kissing” dis-ease. A desire for novelty and variety need not include an additional or alternate “partner” or “mate”. Monogamous is not necessarily monotonous – especially for the “monogamish”. Polly may be many a parrot’s name, but poly can make a pair rot.

Hatred of or opposition to marriage is called misogamy. Would that make love and support of marriage philogamy? Maybe. The opposite of marriage is NOT opsigamy. That just means marriage when old. Old seems pretty relative. Marrying a pretty relative may or may not be considered incest. In some cultures it’s actually preferred and encouraged. Endogamy is not the end of marriage but marrying within a group. Exogamy refers to marrying out of a group, and not to a previous marriage (partner). Digamy is marrying after the death of a spouse (rather than divorce). Would a trigamist need a trivorce? Humans seem to try many different marriage arrangements. Some may need to try more umph to triumph – or buy more umph to biumph.

The leading cause of divorce is marriage. Marrying “up” (for money or status) is called hypergamy. Is marrying “beneath you” hypogamy? That sounds like a love of hippopotomii. Both people and their love can be strange, different, or queer. Fear of strangers is called xenophobia – but fear of queers is called homophobia (which is really fear of the same). Loving a stranger might be xenophilia or maybe just permiscuity. Xenogamy could mean marrying a stranger or maybe even just a strange marriage. Either way, a marriage is what we make it.

© 2011 – 2012, Oren Pardes. All rights reserved.

Oren Pardes

Oren Pardes has written 22 post in this blog.


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